No change, I can't change, I cant change, I cant change, but I'm here in my mold...

Awwww, The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony....Oh, no matter how many times I play it, I end up feeling like I'm breathing its violins in and the melody breaking down all that is rough and hard in my life...

Hi, it's me again, making my second post. I didn't really expect to have myself writing this within 24 hours of my first post. But tonight feels like I should take all of my bottled up feelings and lay them out.

For instance I ended up tearing up randomly tonight. I was watching Gossip Girl season 2 and I was watching a touching scene between Chuck and Blair and I just wanted to cry! It was so strange, can you cry for no reason at all? Being a clinical psychologist-in-training, I would figure theres something pinned up inside my thoughts that's been eating me up. Maybe it was because one of my supposed friends is now taking interested in my life again and since we've stopped talking, a lot has happened and all I wanted was to talk to someone other than my best friends. It's not that I can't talk to them because I absolutely can, but it was nice to have a fresh outlet from someone who I started to build enough trust with. But I lived with that and I put on my best face and my famous I'm-smiling-but-I'm-only-trying-to-believe-that-I'm-actually-okay wall. Or maybe it was because I just haven't cried for such a long time and sometimes it caught up with me and all I want to do is cry, not to moarn over something (even though, I actually have few things to moarn over), not because I'm emotional...for some reason I become this person who doesn't cry over anything unless it's drastic. I don't know where or how that change had happened.

Just me talking about it actually makes me want to shred a few tears but I feel fine; I can probably shake that feeling by listening to Brandon Flower's new album. I fell deeply in love with his new song "Only the Young" because it had just the right melody that incorporated enough instumental and vocal symphony that makes me want to take a deep breath and give into what my body wants to happen, so if it's crying, then I'll do it. I'm probably talking nonsense, so I'm sorry for your confusion.

Today was "hold up in my dorm room" day. I woke up and read for a good hour or two, cleaned my room, and did some laundry and watched Gossip Girl season 2 for the most part. Until 6:30pm, I was reminded that KT and her roommate, let's call her Bridgette (She looks like a Bridgette), that we are hosting a movie night in my dorm room. We are trying to "unite the hall" and have them get to know each other because apparently no one really talks to anyone but their roommates (which was very foriegn to me, who lived in a dorm where everyone got to know each other within the first week of school). Needless to say, no one but us three and the girl who lives next door to me came so Uniting the hall was a bust for the first try. We figured it was because of MLK weekend, no one was in their dorm or the ones who was here this weekend wanted to be anti-social. Better luck next time, right?
Anyway, the film choice of the night was KT's favorite movie The House Bunny with Anna Faris and my recent favorite actress who I feel like is very similar to me, Emma Stone. I loved her in Easy A, my favorite lines from that movie was either from her or her best friend. My favorite line so far from Easy A is: "George is not a sexy name, George is like what you name your favorite teddy bear, not you wanna scream out during climax" It was very relevant in my life when I saw it in theaters. But in this movie, Emma Stone's character was very on point when it came to being awkward with the guy I happen to like now.
During the scene of the fundraiser, she was eating a hot dog and Tyson Ritter's character came up and started to talk to her but she had her mouth full of food and it was a big FAIL. In my case, it was a piece of pizza and my crush happened to walk by saying casually,"See you in class!" while I tried to holding my food in while covering my mouth, saying "yeah, sure!" So embarressing and when that scene appeared on the screen, KT pointed and laughed at me, reminding me, saying, "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO YOU YESTERDAY!" Man, Emma Stone, how your scenes are so relevant in my life. Just why can't it be cool and awesome scenes like being carried off on a lawn mower with Penn Badgely or making out in the middle of campus' grounds? Gah...well, I could only dream, right?

But it is past 11:30 at night and I need to stop staying up til the break of dawn and kick my sleeping back in routine. Tomorrow will only be a big reading day and a lunch date that I can't miss and I hope that I end up with a good start to my week.

I'll see you when I see you.